I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Operation Purity has been aborted
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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