My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
