ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he fucked my hip out of place.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
