Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
