i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
