stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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