how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
