seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
