So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
