WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
