I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
