how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize