Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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