All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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