Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
