Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
