well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize