mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
