my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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