I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just had sex on a roof
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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