Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
