Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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