he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
