I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
