I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
