the condom got lost in my hair
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
