i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
