is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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