HIV tests are more positive than that guy
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
