my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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