Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
