Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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