I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
