Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
