Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
