Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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