This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
