he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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