she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
