what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
