even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
