if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
