i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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