Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
