Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
