This is not my ceiling
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
