Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize