Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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