my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my being single is dangerous.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
