dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
