Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
