I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
