I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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