Your face is a jimmy john
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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