No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
