so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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