you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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