I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
