I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
