Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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