She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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