I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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