im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
